boo hoo

friends, i have a problem. this stupid virus has come back to bite me in the ass joints just when i thought i had it taken care of. every joint is swollen and all hurty, which makes it hard to do anything, which means i've hardly been able to lift baby butterbean, much less type the rest of my halloweenie posts! 

so i'm surrendering. i'm waving the white flag. i'm giving up on the blog posts for the next few days until i feel better.

hopefully come monday i won't have such a hard time typing and i'll have some extremely adorable pics of baby butterbean's first halloween.

i hope y'all have a spooktacular (and safe!) halloween. eat lots of candy and drink lots of jello shots for me! i'll be on my couch pretending that my anti-inflammatories are actually candy corn.

happy halloween y'all!!!

heavy hearts

I'm taking a break from the halloween posts to participate in the Blog Day of Silence for Daddy Butch.

Summer, you have so much love here in the bloggy world. My heart breaks for you and your family. Y'all are in my thoughts and prayers.

six days of boo

aaaand it's time for our second installment of the halloweenie posts.

day of boo number two

first of all, i should apologize if this post is a little out there. i broke a tooth a little while ago, so i took a pain pill before i started writing. don't judge me dammit, pregnancy really kicked me in the teeth. literally. i had perfect teeth before, and now? horrible.

but i digress.

 back to day two of the boo

let's talk favorite halloween movies, shall we?

now, i have a confession,.... i'm a big ol' baby, y'all. i can't watch a scary movie by myself. i can't even watch ghost hunters alone. but that's not my only confession. i can't watch a scary movie without a blanket so i can hide my face when a really scary part comes on. i know, i'm pathetic.

but i do love scary movies. i love the adrenaline high that you get from watching them. i'm quite the adrenaline junkie, ya know. ok, that's not true, i would be an adrenaline junkie if i wasn't such a scaredy cat.

anyvajazzle, why do i keep getting sidetracked? back to the topic at hand, my top five favorite halloween movies.

5) jeepers creepers

i love this movie. partly because it scares the crap out of me, but mostly because i love me some justin long. even though he gets his skin peeled off. poor guy.

4) the skeleton key

ohmygawdohmygawdohmygawd i love this movie! i randomly search my tv guide a few times a month to see when it's coming on. it's got everything a scary movie should have. plus, it's set in the swamps of louisiana, and everyone knows how much i love the cajun life!

3) the children of the corn

i can't drive past a cornfield without hyperventilating just a bit. that's all i have to say about that.

2) practical magic 

not all of my favorites are scary. this has a bit of suspense plus it's a great love story. and i absolutely adore sandra bullock. 

1) hocus pocus

this is my all time favorite halloween movie. we watch it every year with a big ol' bowl of popcorn candy corn. i've loved sarah jessica parker since the girls just want to have fun days, and bette midler is absolutely hilarious! 

so, that's it. my top five halloween movies. what about y'all? what are your faves? do you have a certain one you watch every year?

we now interrupt your truths

i'm breaking all the rules. i'm taking a break from the 30 days of truth. why? because baby butterbean and i haven't felt well lately, she's got an ear infection and i've got a virus. so we're pretty much just being lazy today, and i really can't think all truthfully. also, since halloween is in less than a week, i figure i'll do halloweenie posts for the rest of the week. but this isn't a halloweenie post. this is about love. blog love to be exact! 

the wonderful B over at unexpectedly expecting baby gave me this award: 

a long time ago, and i've been a really bad blogger and haven't thanked her for it or passed it along! thankfully she loves me, so i'm sure she'll overlook the fact that i've waited this long to do so.

alright, here's how this works:

1) thank the blogger who gave you the award (thanks B!)

2) sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation and experience using five words

ok, philosophy? make someone laugh (or at least try). motivation and experience? stress-reliever (that counts as one word, right?) and wonderful!

3) pass it on to five bloggers who you feel have real substance 

first we have katie over at fashion's maven. lemme tell ya, this girl rocks. she's got ah-maz-zing style. plus, she's a bama fan, so obviously she's got good taste all around!

next there's ks over at while we're waiting. i should confess that i've given her an award before, but i love her so much that i had to give her another one! she's smart, funny, she shares my love for vampires, and she believes you should eat dessert first. i mean, come on, what's not to love!? 

and then there's melissa over at my biblical journey, or, as i like to call her melly melly dee. cause it sounds mo' gangsta. and that's how we roll. i met her on the twit  initially, and didn't even know that she blogged! but now i do, and so do you! seriously, go check her out.

up next we've got ms. salti over at tales from the salti peaks. i love this lady!! she's funny, she's random and she posts the most awesome pics from all of her awesome adventures. she's just down right awesome. she's the awesomesauce. you get it, right?

then there's kimi over at live, laugh, love your guts. i have been stalking reading her blog for awhile now, and i adore her! i want a mini version of her to carry around in my pocket so i can hear something funny whenever i need it. that's not weird, right?

and, although i know i was only supposed to give out this award to five bloggers, i couldn't leave out my girl becky from mylittlebecky. i told y'all i was breaking all the rules. anyvajazzle, becky's the peanut butter to my jelly. she's also baby butterbean's godmother of badassness. yes, there is such a thing. go check her out, i guarantee that you'll love her! 

alright peeps, head on over to these wonderful blogs and give them a little love!

she makes it worth it: day seven of the truths

day seven: someone who has made your life worth living for

for all of my truths go here

i could say that my daughter has made my life worth living, and yes, that is very true, we all know that. i could also say that my husband has made my life worth living, and we know that would also be very true. 

everyone knows that i love my little family more than anything. they are my inspiration, my reason for being.

but, what most of you don't know about me is that i have a sister. her name is charla and she has down syndrome. she means the world to me. she's the most beautiful and caring person that i have ever known. and she has made my life worth living for.

most people think that it would be a tragedy to have disabilities. charla doesn't know that she's any different than everyone else. she sees the world through permanent rose colored glasses, and she thinks that everyone else does also. she never meets a stranger and is kind to everyone. i only wish i could be like her.

we all complain about our daily lives. things that we must do, although we wish we didn't have to. we bitch about things that we either cannot change, or things that we're too lazy to change. most of us don't see the beauty in our every day lives, and we never have time to stop and smell the roses. we think that we have been dealt such a bad hand in life. but truth be told, most of us have far more blessings than others around us.

my sister has brought many good things into my life. she's taught me to slow down, to take the time to see the wonders around me. she's taught me to dance crazy, even though people are staring. she's taught me to find the bliss in the simple things. she's taught me to always have dessert with your dinner. she's taught me to be a better person.

i don't look at charla as having disabilities, as other people may. after seeing the world through her eyes, i've come to realize that we're the ones with the disabilities.

Charla and I (yes, this is my personal debut on my blog, don't hate, it's a bad pic!)

we all know that october is breast cancer awareness month, but it's also down syndrome awareness and acceptance month. this sunday i will be participating in what's called a buddy walk to benefit down syndrome awareness. i hope that one day, everyone will be as blessed as i am to know someone as beautiful as my sister. 

if you'd like more information on getting involved with the national down syndrome society, you find visit there website here

mother may i never: day six

day six: something you hope you never have to do

for all of my truths go here

who came up with these prompts? was it their intention to make the blogger scratch their head a million times wondering "hmmm, how can i answer this one?" because if so, mission accomplished asshats!

ok, lemme see.... something that i hope i never have to do....


ok, this is completely 100% unrealistic, but, i hope that i never have to mend a broken heart for my daughter.

i know that she will grow up, and realize that the world can be a rough place. she will get hurt many times. by friends, by boys, by family, even by complete strangers. and i know i will be there for her to lean on. but, as unrealistic as it is, i really hope this never happens. i've felt the pain of a broken heart before, and i hope that she never has to go through that. i hope that her heart will never have the scars that mine has. i hope that she will never know what it's like to have a best friend stab you in the back, or what it's like to be stood up, or what it's like to be made fun of.

i hope i never see her eyes filled with tears of hurt or worry, only tears of joy.

what do you hope you never have to do in life?

feed your skin

you guys, this review is long, long, long overdo!

a little over a month ago (i know!) i received a few samples from rachel over at soapwalla kitchen, and i have yet to write a review. i'm a bad, bad blogger.

anyway, let's get to it, shall we?

i am in love. 

seriously y'all, this stuff is amazing! with extra zing! amazingzing! 

i was sent two soap bars and and the luxurious body oil.

lemme tell ya, the soap bars smell good enough to eat!! she sent me the citrus grove, and the shea butter tangerine and clay. now, let me start by saying, i wash my hands a lot, like a lot, a lot. enough that i have wintery dry hands all year long. so, i'm constantly searching for something that gets my hands clean while keeping them soft and smelling good also. and i have found what i've been searching for! i started out with the citrus grove bar. i put it in our kitchen next to the sink and hid our normal pump soap, because i wanted the hubby to try it. my plan worked. he came in from work that night and went straight to the sink to wash his hands.

"babe, where's the soap?" he hollered

"in the dish next to the drain rack!" i hollered back

a few minutes later he came into the bathroom where i was bathing baby butterbean and wanted to know why i'd replaced the soap. i told him i was looking for something different than what we normally used, and i asked him if he liked it. to which he replied "i love it!" this, my friends, is not normal. he normally doesn't get excited over soap. but, this tiny bar of soap had taken all of the day's grime off of his hands, and left them smelling wonderful and feeling extremely soft! after we (quickly) used up the citrus grove bar, i put out the shea butter tangerine and clay bar, and we loved it just as much, although i think this one made our skin even softer than the citrus grove. 

the soaps get an a+ in the butterbean's household!

the other thing that rachel sent was the luxurious moisturizing body oil. after i got baby butterbean to bed that night, i ran a hot bath and soaked for a bit. afterward i put the body oil on. the smell was delicious, and a little dab goes a long way! the hubby could smell it in the bedroom as i was putting it on! it's definitely moisturizing, although it does leave a bit of a greasy feel afterward, but i have yet to come across a body oil that doesn't, and it doesn't feel that way for long. 

overall, i'm really impressed with the soapwalla line. rachel has excellent customer service skills (she emailed me to see if i had any questions!) and the products are great! the body oil is gentle enough to use on babies and it's vegan and organic! i simply cannot say anything but good things about soapwalla kitchen!

head on over to her etsy shop and then check her out on the twit and give her a shout.

now, i'm off to her shop to pick up a few christmas gifts. oh, come on, who am i kidding, y'all know i'm shopping for myself!

on the fifth day of truths

day five: something you hope to do in your life

for all of my truths go here

there are tons of things i want to do in life. i really don't feel like i've lived yet.

i want to travel. a lot. like, fill up my passport kind of traveling. i want to visit new york and stay for more than a month. i want to ride horses in wyoming. i want to surf in australia. 

i want to weed out all of the unhealthy things i put into my body. i want to start eating more fresh foods and less prepackaged processed foods. i want to lower my cholesterol. i want to get down to, and maintain a healthy weight. i want to teach my daughter the importance of being healthy by being an example of what healthy looks like.

i want to define myself. and then reinvent myself. and then do it again. i want to find my style.

i want to be comfortable in my skin. 

i want to raise my daughter to be a beautiful person, both inside and out. i want to teach her to be caring and compassionate. to see the beauty in every day life. to believe in miracles and the power of prayer. to love unconditionally.

i feel like all of these are possible. i can do each and every one of these things.

but, the one thing i hope to do, and wonder if i will, is make a difference. i don't care how i do it, but i can't help but feel like part of my purpose here in this world is to make a difference. the reason that i wonder if it's possible is because i haven't the slightest clue how i plan on doing this. but, i'm only a quarter of a way through my life, i think i've got plenty of time to figure this one out.

what about y'all? what's the ultimate thing on your bucket list?

the truths: day four

day four: something you have to forgive someone for

i have to be truthful, i sat for a long time in front of the computer trying to think of someone that i needed to forgive. i thought of ex boyfriends, ex friends, and even family members. and finally it hit me. i needed to forgive my grandfather. and then i cried. 

i cried because my grandfather died last year, and i still have so much anger built up toward him.

before his funeral, my cousins and i were going through old photos and pulling out certain ones to put into a slide show. we wanted to make sure and include the pictures of him and his children, as well as him and his grandchildren and great grandchildren. it broke my heart when i realized that there wasn't a single picture of he and i. i couldn't remember ever having a good relationship with him, and this made me realize that i was right. i feel that for some reason, he didn't see me as his granddaughter, for some reason, he didn't love me. this feeling had always sat in the back of my mind, but i'd never wanted to accept it as the truth. 

when i found out that i was pregnant with baby butterbean, i thought that maybe she was the key to building a better relationship with him. but, he never got to meet her. he died 24 days before she was born. three days shy of christmas. 

i was so angry with him. i felt like he just gave up. i expected him to fight for life, to hold on just a bit longer. all of my family was heartbroken, my grandmother especially, and i felt that it was his fault. i also felt, that in some way, this was a stab at me. that maybe, in truth, he never wanted to meet baby butterbean. i know that is crazy, but i couldn't help it. i fully believe that the course our lives take is already determined, but for some reason, i felt that my grandfather could have prevented his death. 

since his death, i've prayed many times asking God why he chose that time to take my grandfather from us. the only thing that i think of is that maybe my grandfather needed to be somewhere where he could watch over baby butterbean and keep her from harms way. that maybe he is her guardian angel.

i wish that before he died i could have told him that i loved him, even though he didn't think i did. i wish i could have had just one last talk with him. 

but since i can't talk to him face to face, i have to pray that somewhere, somehow, he can hear me.

Pa,

i love and miss you very much. life just isn't the same without you here. it's almost time to put up the christmas decorations, and i know that it's going to be hard to do it without you around. i know how much you loved this time of year. i wish we could have had a better relationship. i wish that i knew if i ever made you proud. that's all i ever wanted to do.

thanks for watching over your great granddaughter. i'm sure that you know that she has your bright blue eyes. i tell her stories about you almost every day.

i forgive you Pa, and i hope that if i ever disappointed you, that you can forgive me too.

forgiving myself: day three of the truths

day three: something you have to forgive yourself for 

for all of my truths go here

i really hope that i don't have this much trouble with all of these prompts. i spent all weekend trying to find something that i need to forgive myself for. for the most part, i like to think that i don't regret any decision that i've made in the 25 years i've been on this earth. i've tried my best to be a good person, to treat others with respect and kindness, to be compassionate, to care for animals, to stick up for those who needed it. pretty much live the way a person should. 

but there is one thing that i've always had trouble letting go of. something i've held against myself for 6 years. mom, if you're reading, now's the time to stop. otherwise you're going to cry.

now, this may sound silly, as most of my these things do to others, but it really has eaten away at me since it happened.

when i was a sophomore in high school i got a puppy from a friend. he was tiny and cute. he was black and white, and sort of terrier looking. i named him cooder. yes, i'm a redneck. anyvajazzle, i loved him very much. after high school i moved to a little town about 30 minutes away because i was dating someone from there. that was a stupid decision on it's own, seeing as how we dated for only a month before i decided to move there, but that's a whole other story. after i'd been in this new town for a little while, i decided for certain reasons, that i needed to go get my dog. so, i went and picked him up from my mother's house, and he moved with me. i took him everywhere with me. he slept in the bed with me and he went to work with me. this lasted for a few weeks. then, one night, the douche that i was dating said he wanted to actually go out somewhere as a couple, and i knew i couldn't leave cooder in the house on his own. i let him outside when we left. when we came home he was gone. the guy later found him down the road. he'd been run over. he was headed in the direction that we'd left in. i still wonder what cooder was thinking. did he think i had abandoned him? was he coming to find me? i can't help but think about how scared he must have been. how alone he felt, and what it was like to be running down the highway after the person that he wanted to be with the most. i feel like i let him down. and i know that it hurt my mother badly. i didn't know at the time how much she loved him. i still think today that she holds this against me a little bit. i think that simple incident shaped who i've become today. 

i hate thinking about what happened that night. even now, six years later, i'm crying as i write this. i can't promise that i'm going to forgive myself for this, but i can say that i'm going to work on it, right?

are you holding on to something? what do you need to forgive yourself for?

day two of the truths

day two: something you love about yourself

once again, the answer to this depends on whether we're talking physically or behaviorally.

physically? i love my smile. i'm not one to give someone a fake smile, so if you see me smile, you know it's genuine. 

behaviorally, i love that i am all about doing things my own way. when it comes to doing something, i normally research the best ways to do it, and then come up with something all on my own by combining two or three different strategies. if that doesn't work, i go back to square one and start over. now, don't get me wrong, i know when to eventually ask for help, but i love the satisfaction of coming up with a solution all on my own.

so, what do you love about yourself? 

you can't handle the truth

as you can tell, i haven't had anything to blog about lately. wait, scratch that, i've probably had things to blog about, there have just been other things keeping me from blogging. no, not like kidnappers. no, i didn't get a job, or anything like that. just things. quit pressuring me to tell you! gawd! 

anyvajazzle, i saw on the twit that becky was doing this 30 days of truth meme, and after googling it, i decided to give it a try. it gives me something to blog about, and it seems kind of fun! plus, if you know anything about me, you know that i'm always trying to fit in with the cool people. ok, so, on to the list!! (you can skip down to the bottom if you wanna get straight to my first truth!)

30 days of truth

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

alright, day 1: something i hate about myself

i guess the answer to this depends on if we're talking about something physical or behavioral. if we're talking physical, then the one thing i hate the most are the scars from my knee surgery. now, i've got a lot of scars. i was quite the tomboy growing up, plus i've got scars from my gallbladder surgery and my c-section scar, but i am quite proud of all of those. they help tell my life story, they make me unique. but, the scars that i have on my knee are absolutely horrid. they're ugly, they make my knee look funny, and they're *huge*! i don't wear anything that falls above the knee because i'm so self conscience about them. i know i should look at them the same way i look at my other scars, but i just can see them in the same light. now, if we're talking about something behavioral, then i have to say that i hate that i don't have more really good friends. i know lots of people, but i can count the number of good friends that i have on one hand. i know you consider quality ov er quantity, but i'd really like to have both! 

alright, there's your first truth. now tell me, what's something that you hate about yourself?