snow, dandruff, paint chips and me

what do those things have in common? they're all flakes. 

remember when i said that everything changes when you have a baby? yeah, i meant everything.

before i had baby butterbean, i was always on time, always smelled good, always had on clean clothes, and always, always, always kept plans when i made them.

since i've had her, i'm never on time (literally never!), there's been four days that i know of that i smelled like vomit all day, have had to start carrying a change of clothes in my car, and have cancelled plans (last minute) at least three times that i know of. 

i, lil miss butterbean, have become a flake.

B can vouch for at least two of these times. i made plans with her last friday and then again today, and ended up cancelling at the last minute. key words there *i made the plans.* i am a horrible friend.

in my excuse, i don't trust anyone to watch baby butterbean except for the hubby, or my mom. and both of them work crazy hours. a lot of times i plan on meeting up with the hubby when he gets off from work and dropping baby butterbean off with him and then going to meet up with my friends. but, 99.9% of the time, he ends up working late, or something else comes up. i hate this.

i am *so* terrified that my friends are going to get tired of this and just stop making plans with me completely.

now, don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to be all "woe is me" or bitch about the fact that i have a kid. baby butterbean was far from an accident, she was very much wanted and planned. i just never knew how drastically things would change. and i definitely thought i'd have no problem picking a babysitter. but honestly, how the hell can i trust some random stranger with my baby!? i read somewhere that if i hired a sitter to come watch her a few hours during the week while i was at home, then i'd feel more comfortable leaving her with the sitter to go out at night. this is totally crap. of course the sitter is going to be on their best behavior while i'm there! they want their money! who's to say that the minute i leave, they don't break out the crack pipe and let baby butterbean take a hit!? seriously, you just can't trust folks these days.

so, until my baby is old enough to stay by herself (like 17, 18 years old) i will continue to try to put some normalcy back into my life. i will start getting ready to go places an hour earlier, i will start keeping perfume stashed all over the place, i will continue to carry a change of clothes in my car, and i will try my hardest to make and keep plans, even if it means bringing baby butterbean with me. hopefully my friends will understand and forgive me as i work through all of this.

so, to all my friends (B!), i'm sorry in advance. i will buy you a drink once we reschedule for the sixteenth time and  i drag my late, smelly, covered in spit up, ass to the restaurant.

mommas and gangstas

while doing my motherly duties today (teehee, duties! yes, i'm a ten year old boy) i started thinking about the similarities between gangbangers and moms. (i know, i'm weird, don't judge) and i thought I should share them. so, with further ado, here's the top 5 differences in mommas and gangstas.

1. gangstas stash drugs and money in various locations around their houses.

mommas stash diapers, wipes and butt cream in various locations around their houses.

2. gangstas wear do rags (sp??) on their heads to represent their gang's colors.

mommas wear do rags to keep their rat's nest hidden from the world.

3. gangstas will shank someone for messing with their homie.

mommas will shank someone for messing with their secret stash of chocolate.

4. gangstas roll through their hood blastin the latest hip hop album.

mommas roll through their hood blastin the latest nick jr. album.

5. gangstas scatter at the sight of po pos.

mommas scatter at the sight of poo poo.

to sum it all up, mommys are tough bitches, yo. and, i'm the whitest girl on the planet.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

it's almost time to call the pros

dear internet,
you're still on strike. everytime i try to log on you give me the stinkeye. i thought we had a better relationship than this.

I thought after all of the massages, snuggles and kisses, that'd we moved on to the next level. but, i guess i read the signals all wrong. story of my life.

listen, i've got readers that *need* me to post something! this is really cramping my style!!

what do i need to do? do i need to bring someone in to join us?? a repair guy? an IT guy? Or, would you rather it be a girl? i'll do anything to make things work between us.

please just tell me what to do. the connection sucks on this stupid phone and i'm really having trouble posting things from it.

i love you internet. let's make this better. hope to hear from you soon.

love ya babe,

butterbean

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

it takes commitment yo

my internet is dead. it's gone on to the big provider in the sky. for now at least. i've got my best tech guys (ie: me, myself and i) on the job, so we should be surfing the big intro-net waves pretty soon.

anyvajazzle, just wanted to drop in and post something from my phone to let y'all know that i'm still planning on getting back into the swing of things. i'm still trying to figure this whole blogging from the iphone thing, so it's not gonna be pretty. but at least y'all know that i'm commited to our blogger/reader relationship, right?i refuse to be a deadbeat dad and walk out on my baby mommas in their times of need.

wait, what? nevermind. hopefully i can blow some life back into my ol' aircard and keep it kicking for awhile! i promise i've still got that whole "first six months of baby butterbean's life" post coming up. just give me enough time to control the emotional waterworks.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Little Update

no, i haven't stopped blogging (again!). my internet has been quite the asshole lately and hasn't been loading blogger, so i haven't been able to blog. it's not my fault this time!

anyvajazzle, just wanted to drop in and say hey *waves hi* and let y'all know we'll be back to our regular scheduled blogging starting tomorrow. baby butterbean turned 6 months last thursday, so you know i've got one sappy post on the way!

in the mean time, you guys should check these sites out:

it starts with us

and

love bomb

i just came across these little gems a couple of weeks ago and i think they're ah-maz-ing!!

check 'em out, join and spread the word!!

and tune in tomorrow for the post in which i bawl my eyes out and deny the fact that my little baby girl is growing up!

an open letter to my delivery person

dear asshat who's responsible of delivering my stuff,

WTF is the problem!? why do my packages keeping getting lost, or left at the post office, or delivered to my ghetto neighbors?? my house is not hard to find. i'm here all day long. i have my door and my blinds open. i order things practically weekly, which means i have packages delivered weekly as well. so why, oh why, oh why can i never get my stuff on time or delivered properly!?

i know you're not stupid. i mean, you have to be able to read a map or follow your gps in order to get to my little town, podunk, texas, so i know you have some sort of intelligence. so why, oh why, oh why can i never get my stuff on time or delivered properly!?

is it me?? did i do something wrong? i figured as bad as my online shopping addiction was, that i was probably a key factor in keeping you employed. i don't have any vicious dogs that keep you from coming up to my house. i don't have a locked gate with a call box or anything like that. my driveway is wide open (twss) and easy to turn around in. there's even a paved sidewalk going out to the carport!! so why, oh why, oh why can i never get my stuff on time or delivered properly!?

this cannot keep happening delivery person. i want us to have a good relationship. a loving and caring relationship. i used to love the feeling that i got when i saw you round the corner of my street. my ears would perk up like a poodle's when i heard the crunch of your tires in my driveway. my heart would race when you knocked on my door. my husband would joke that you knew me better than he did. but it's not like that any longer. now you break my heart on a weekly basis. i sign into one of my accounts to check the status of my order, and i get all stabby. it either says that it was delivered to my post office, which means i won't get it until the day after i was scheduled to receive it, or it says "delivered to your front porch." well, my friend, i don't know where this fictional front porch is, but packages must be piling up over there!

there were the few times when you delivered my stuff to my neighbors. that is extremely unacceptable. i would rather you just keep my friggin packages than leave them at the crackhead's house. i have a feeling that they sell my shit. or, if i do actually get my stuff from them, i'm really afraid the cops are going to think it's a big box of dope. and then cps is gonna be wondering if i've got a crack baby. see, now you've dragged baby butterbean into it. good job asshole. 

can we please, please, please, fix this?? i miss getting excited at the thought of seeing you. i *need* my stuff dude!! baby butterbean *needs* that cute little blue bikini and the white sunglasses that i ordered a week ago. she *needs* that little plaid skirt and the denim vest that i ordered two weeks ago. i *need* those really cute flip flops that i ordered yesterday. ok, now i know you don't have the flip flops yet, but i just want to make sure you're going to deliver them on time, to me, and not to my postal carrier or my neighbors.

we can make our relationship better. you just need to put forth more effort. i really don't want to have to file an official complaint. oh, who the hell am i kidding, i don't want to have to shank you. so if i were you, i'd straighten up. cause i'll flat out go gangsta on your ass. consider yourself warned.


UPDATE: this afternoon a mysterious package showed up between my inside door and my screen door on my back porch. it was the missing blue bikini and white sunglasses that were "delivered to my fictional front porch" yesterday. the only explanation that i can think of is that my delivery prick person found this letter and i scared him straight. hopefully he'll keep up the good work and i won't have to go all mike tyson on his ass.

it's ok to confess

1. it's ok that i spend lazy weekends in sweats

he can hang out in sweats with me any day!

2. it's ok to admit that i actually *liked* twilight saga (the books and the movies)

secret addiction

3. it's also ok to admit that if the next twilight movie doesn't come out soon, i may have an aneurysm

need my edward fix

4. it's ok i think my kid is the cutest baby ever. like ever, ever. since the dawn of time

i die from the cuteness

5. it's ok that i didn't cry during dear john. there are plenty of other movies that i've bawled over

what's the big friggin deal??

6. it's ok that i started the 30 day shred and then took a "break," i will start again soon

jillian michaels you make me sick. i mean i actually get nauseous after i work out with you 

7. it's ok that some nights i'd rather have takeout than cook

it's just so much easier

8. it's ok that i don't get the whole jersey shore thing

you're all just a bunch of orange airheads 

9. it's ok that i watch reruns of the office *everyday*

seriously dude, funny funny shiz

10. it's ok to want just one night a week to hang out with the girls, no baby, no hubby, it doesn't make me a bad mom/wife

get your own, i ordered *all* or these for me!

i'm ok with my confessions, are you??

Aaaaannnd We're Back

after months of being MIA, i'm back. i know that i still have a few followers, and hopefully y'all will find your way back here, along with new followers as well. 

as you can see by looking around the place, i'm starting over. fresh, clean, anew.

it doesn't matter what was or wasn't written here before, what matters is what is written from here on out.

i am now a mother. a mother to a beautiful baby girl.

this is baby butterbean. (and her new little friend, simba)

she was born january 15, 2010 at 10:35 am. she arrived via scheduled c-section. she is my pride and joy.

the past six months have definitely been different. no amount of advice, research or training can prepare you for parenthood. it's a live and learn sort of thing. and you are never prepared for how quickly they grow. it seems like she was born just yesterday, and now she's already a solid food eating, independent sitting, backward crawling, one tooth sporting baby girl. and it breaks my heart more and more every day. 

the one thing that newly expecting parents don't understand is that *every* aspect of your life changes. not only do you become a parent, and you have a teeny tiny person to care for 24/7, but things that aren't even related to the baby change. for one, you change. you will never be the same. you become a completely different person within a matter of minutes. 

your hopes and dreams change. granted, you will still hang on to some of your old ones (like my dream of traveling all around the world!), but for the most part, you have completely new ones. 

your relationship with your partner changes. you will either grow much closer, or you will grow apart. i have to admit, in the beginning, a little bit of distance sat in between the hubby and i. thankfully, we recognized it, and started working on it immediately. now we are closer than we were before baby butterbean arrived. 

your relationship with your friends change. i have definitely grown apart from some of my friends who don't have children. but i've also grown closer to some friends, and i've even made new ones. 

i think the strangest thing to me is how your body changes. i can't quite explain that one, but anyone that has had a baby knows what i'm talking about. and i'm not just talking about weight, i'm talking about how your body works. it's just..... different.

anyway, enough about all of that. i just wanted to let y'all know that i'm still here. i was gone for awhile, but now i'm back. i don't want to make this strictly a baby blog, but i have to warn you that i will probably be writing about baby butterbean a lot. i'm hoping to make this bigger and better than it was before. i'd like to do giveaways, have guest bloggers, and maybe even do a review or two. 

i can't promise a post every day, but i'll post as much as possible. the life of a mother is very busy you know!