what do those things have in common? they're all flakes.
remember when i said that everything changes when you have a baby? yeah, i meant everything.
before i had baby butterbean, i was always on time, always smelled good, always had on clean clothes, and always, always, always kept plans when i made them.
since i've had her, i'm never on time (literally never!), there's been four days that i know of that i smelled like vomit all day, have had to start carrying a change of clothes in my car, and have cancelled plans (last minute) at least three times that i know of.
i, lil miss butterbean, have become a flake.
B can vouch for at least two of these times. i made plans with her last friday and then again today, and ended up cancelling at the last minute. key words there *i made the plans.* i am a horrible friend.
in my excuse, i don't trust anyone to watch baby butterbean except for the hubby, or my mom. and both of them work crazy hours. a lot of times i plan on meeting up with the hubby when he gets off from work and dropping baby butterbean off with him and then going to meet up with my friends. but, 99.9% of the time, he ends up working late, or something else comes up. i hate this.
i am *so* terrified that my friends are going to get tired of this and just stop making plans with me completely.
now, don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to be all "woe is me" or bitch about the fact that i have a kid. baby butterbean was far from an accident, she was very much wanted and planned. i just never knew how drastically things would change. and i definitely thought i'd have no problem picking a babysitter. but honestly, how the hell can i trust some random stranger with my baby!? i read somewhere that if i hired a sitter to come watch her a few hours during the week while i was at home, then i'd feel more comfortable leaving her with the sitter to go out at night. this is totally crap. of course the sitter is going to be on their best behavior while i'm there! they want their money! who's to say that the minute i leave, they don't break out the crack pipe and let baby butterbean take a hit!? seriously, you just can't trust folks these days.
so, until my baby is old enough to stay by herself (like 17, 18 years old) i will continue to try to put some normalcy back into my life. i will start getting ready to go places an hour earlier, i will start keeping perfume stashed all over the place, i will continue to carry a change of clothes in my car, and i will try my hardest to make and keep plans, even if it means bringing baby butterbean with me. hopefully my friends will understand and forgive me as i work through all of this.
so, to all my friends (B!), i'm sorry in advance. i will buy you a drink once we reschedule for the sixteenth time and i drag my late, smelly, covered in spit up, ass to the restaurant.