|All eyelashes, cheeks, and lips|
It wasn't until I met Brad that I started thinking about those things. It hit me pretty hard. Once I realized that I was in love with him, it was like a crash landing with life. I was cruising along in my hypothetical little Bug, when life jerked the wheel, and I came crashing into a detour sign that left me shaken, yet a bit excited. Suddenly, there was so much more to life. A wedding, and a home with the man I love, and, GASP, children! Or, a child? One, two, twelve? I honestly didn't know. But, the more I thought about it, the more three or four seemed like a good, solid number. I take comfort in packs.
So, Brad hitched my hypothetical little Bug to his hypothetical pickup truck, and we started cruising through life together. And along came Mylee. Our world was a much brighter place with her around. Flowers smelt better, birds chirped a bit louder. Everything was perfect. Now, y'all know this story. After she came along, I wasn't sure I wanted anymore. How could I love someone else even half as much as I loved her!? And then, my heart found room for Dax. I can't imagine life without him. How did it all seem so perfect before? We were clearly missing a piece to our beautiful puzzle.
And now we're here. I'm 30, Brad's 34, Mylee and Dax are 6 and 15 months, I said I wouldn't have another until he was at least 18 months, which we're quickly approaching. We are stuck in the middle. Do we make the choice to have more children? Do I even want more? I think I do. But that fear keeps creeping back in, "Will I love the others the way I love my first two?" Logic says yes, my crazy irrational brain says no. How do you know, with absolute sureness, that you're done? I once thought I was done. There was no convincing me that I needed another. And then that changed. When, if ever, are you absolutely, positively, without a doubt, sure?
I guess I can only hope and pray that time will tell. In the meantime, I'll be over here holding on to these a little too tightly and trying to find my voice of reason.